The Rehearsal
by Jieni Reiko
Summary: Where the inutaichi are concerned it's a sure bet for the rehearsal for the next fan fiction scenario to go awry. The usual coarse Inuyasha language, Kagome's sit command, Miroku's cursed hand, Sango's justice dealing BOOM-erang, and Shippo's financial scheme.


Official Disclaimer: The original Inuyasha story and the characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi; I'm borrowing the environment and characters for this fanfiction scenario. I'm writing this for fun not profit.

A/N: Warning. The usual precaution for Inuyasha's use of profanity.

Title: The Rehearsal.

-0-

As the authoress I stepped to the center of the -large building-, with the crew and camera along with various equipment surrounding all the cast standing in their assorted positions at the side. I cleared my voice, "Before we begin, for legal purposes, I do hereby state that I don't own the-"

Inuyasha: "Forget that, we ain't hers so don't get ch'ur skivvies in a twist about it."

Miroku: "Nicely said Inuyasha, but you just broke the fourth wall."

Inuyasha: "Shut up Bouzu."

Sango: "Does this mean that we'll all get our turn to- Houshisama!"

SLAP!

THUD!

[Miroku: with red handprint on his cheek, half dazed on the floor.]

Shippo: "Ummm. That had an echo I think."

Kagome: "Could be the acoustics in this place Shippo."

Sango: "It's possible that Keade could've heard that one."

Keade: "I'm not deaf, child."

Sango: "Erk.. of course not miko baba sama.. I just thought you were somewhere else."

Keade: "I'm going there now, have fun miscreants."

Inuyasha: "What the... did she... did she say what I thought she said?"

Keade: "We're not in any story now Inuyasha, ta ta."

...

...

...

Sango: "Where were we?"

Shippo: "I remember...pay up loser, that'll be 10 smackeroos."

Miroku: "That sure bet wasn't very sporting of you, Shippo."

Shippo: "The bet was for any hentai action during this opening."

Sango: "I can't believe that noone is picking up on that obvious double entendre."

Miroku: "Never mind that, how 'bout a bet on Inuyasha kissing Kagome?"

Kagome: "No!.. Don't even think about it!"

Miroku: "Alright then, Kagome you kiss Inuyasha."

Sango: "That's already been done."

Kagome: "Sango!"

Sango: "Sorry Kagome, but Miroku would've gotten to say it and I wanted an extra line in this dialogue."

Shippo: "Hey look who's got the red cheeks now!"

Kagome: "Shut up. Just SHUT UP!"

Miroku: "Come on Inuyasha, what d'ya say?"

Kagome: "Don't you DARE Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha: "Oi, it's his idea, not mine!.. I don't want to be anywhere near you so just-"

Kagome: "What is THAT supposed to mean?"

Inuyasha: "Nothing."

Kagome: "Nothing?.. So you're calling me nothing?.. After everything I've done and all that I've put up with from you, your calling that 'NOTHING'!"

Inuyasha: "NO!.. I didn't MEAN it THAT way!"

Shippo: "Anybody want some of my popcorn?"

Miroku: "It's free isn't it?"

Shippo: "Uh.. it's kinda stale."

Sango: "Sshhh!"

[Shippo: popcorn held out to Miroku, raised eyebrows inquiringly.]

[Inuyasha: cracking his knuckles, growling and showing fangs in threat display to Miroku.]

[Miroku: shakes head at Shippo.]

[Shippo: shrugs shoulders, happily munching.]

[Kagome and Sango: glaring at Miroku.]

Miroku: innocently smiling, "Ladies.. Kagome, please.. resume."

Kagome: "So just exactly how do you MEAN IT then, huh Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha: "I mean that I'm gonna RIP Bouzu's cursed arm off and SHOVE it down his throat, then UP his ASSHOLE!"

Miroku: "But wait, I don't-"

Sango: "Look out Houshisama!.. Wait a minute.. why should I care?"

Kagome: "SIT!"

KABLAM!

Inuyasha: "Oi, oi, OI... The perv was- I didn't- What in the hell d'ja do that for bit-"

Kagome: "Ah.. Ah.. Ah.. Would you like to make the hole deeper Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha: "Mi-ro-ku!"

Kagome: "Don't blame him Inuyasha, you deserved it that time."

Inuyasha: "Like hell!"

Shippo: "Somebody should of made a bet that Inuyasha would get slammed."

Inuyasha: "Shut up, runt or your next."

Reiko: "As I was saying about the disclaimer. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I'm.. uh.. just borrowing them for awhile."

Shippo: "3.. 2.. 1."

Inuyasha: "Oi, wench..."

Kagome: "What is it now Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha: "Not you, her."

Shippo: "What 'her'?"

Inuyasha: "The author wench, stupid."

Shippo: "I know you are so it ain't me."

Sango: "Both of you are!"

Kagome: "Shippo, that's enough.. Sometimes I think you need a 'behavior modifier'."

[Shippo: dinner plate size eyes.]

Reiko: "What was your question Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha: "How come Kikyo ain't here?"

Shippo: "Aw, you miss your sweetheart."

Inuyasha: "Shut UP runt!"

[Kagome: glaring at Shippo and mouthing S.I.T. at Inuyasha.]

[Shippo and Inuyasha: looking as innocent as possible.]

Reiko: "She's in Aruba working on her tan and sipping Maitai's, and misses all of your terribly."

Kagome: "Cough!.. Hack!"

Sango: "Kagome.. are you okay?"

Kagome: "Sure. Fine."

Shippo: "Yeah.. uh.. gesundheit and all that."

Miroku: "If this opening gets any longer it's going to need it's own page."

Reiko: "That has already been arranged."

Sango: "Unfortunately from the very beginning it got out of hand."

Kagome: "I agree. If it weren't for Miroku's influence.."

Shippo: "It would have been boring and I'd be out 10 smackeroos."

Inuyasha: hitting fist in palm, "If you want more 'smacks' runt, I could remedy that."

Kagome: "Inuyasha, I had no idea you knew what a double entendre was."

Inuyasha: "Course I do.. wait.. Hey!"

Miroku: "That's very ambidextrous of you, Kagome."

Reiko: "Guys, you're beating that horse to death."

Kagome: "Flattery will get you nowhere Miroku."

Miroku: "I beg to differ, my skills of communication have worked plenty of times to get us a decent place to bunk at night during our travels."

Kagome: "I was referring to your proclivities, Miroku."

Sango: "Totally the same thing in both cases."

Reiko: "Not that any of you are listening."

Shippo: "Look at Inuyasha, you lost him when you started using those big words!"

BOP!

Shippo: "OW!... Kagome, Inuyasha hit me!"

Inuyasha: "No shit runt.. and there's nine more to go."

[Kagome and Sango: glaring at all three boys., then at each other and nodding their heads in agreement.]

[Sango: using her huge boomerang, swiftly bopped both of the bigger boys on the head. They dropped to the floor out cold. Then she grabbed an arm from each and began to drag them out of the room.]

[Reiko: bowing my head, my hand over my eyes, wishing that I'd gone to Aruba as well.]

Kagome scooped up Shippo. "Need any help Sango?"

Sango: "Nope."

Kagome: "It's been fun.. Author, but these guys need to get outdoors in the fresh air so you'll have to continue on without us."

Reiko: "The point of fan fiction is to continue with all of you."

Kagome: "Say goodbye, Shippo."

Shippo: "Goodbye Shippo."

Reiko: "That's lunch everybody." : '_And probably the rest of the day_.'

Kagome: "I'm putting you on notice Shippo, that the bet winnings will be used for any expenses for the group."

Shippo: "No, it's mine!"

Sango: "You took advantage of Miroku's curse."

Shippo: "Why not, he does it all the time!"

Kagome: "Sango don't you remember, it's not-"

Sango: "You're not the one he does it to Kagome, so I say it's a curse."

[Kagome: _ow _:tight false grin at Sango.]

Sango: to Shippo. "And you've gotten winnings at my expense too."

Shippo: "So did you Kagome, since you bet against Inuyasha."

Sango: "What, I only saw Inuyasha hand the winnings to Shippo. She must of given the bundle to him to hold.. sneaky."

Kagome: '_Uhoh, time for damage control_.', "If I'd won then I intended to use the winnings like I expect you to."

Shippo: "This ain't fair!"

Sango: "Would you like to have what the boys got?"

Shippo: "No!.. geez how did I get stuck with such slap-happy people anyway?"

Kagome: "Yeah, what're the odds, care to wager anything on that Shippo?"

Shippo: "Sango I've changed my mind, knock me out please, I can't stand this anymore."

Reiko: "It's unanimous."

[Kagome: shrugs, waves, and walks away.]


End file.
